Subscribe To our E-Newsletter
Sunrise, Sunset: What If …
As he has in the past, Gore recently chose "Saturday Night Live" to show there's life in the eco-friendly forum of comedy to prove his point.
Last time, Gore took part in a "West Wing" takeoff in which he took over the mythical TV set of the Oval Office for his own; two weeks ago, he bounded on-set on NBC to show that Cirque de Soleil isn't the only one that can turn the sun topsy-turvy.
What if those butterfly ballots hadn't flown off into the sunset and actually been counted? What if the world would have listened to Tom Brokaw's early call for Gore, and then turned off the TV set and declared him the winner with the irrefutable logic, "If it's good enough for Tom Brokaw, it's good enough for me"?
What if Al Gore had gored the inconvenient truth of 2000, and really been elected president of the United States.
And, now, live from "Saturday Night Live":
"Good evening, my fellow Americans. In 2000, when you overwhelmingly made the decision to elect me as your 43rd president, I knew the road ahead would be difficult. We have accomplished so much, yet challenges lie ahead.
"In the last six years, we have been able to stop global warming. No one could have predicted the negative results of this. Glaciers that once were melting are now on the attack. As you know, these renegade glaciers have already captured parts of upper Michigan and northern Maine. But I assure you, we will not let the glaciers win.
"Right now, in the second week of May 2006, we are facing perhaps the worst gas crisis in history. We have way too much gasoline! Gas is down to 19 cents a gallon and the oil companies are hurting. I know that I am partly to blame, by insisting that cars run on trash. I am therefore proposing a federal bail-out to our oil companies because hey, if it were the other way around, you know, that the oil companies would help us.
"There are some of you who would like to spend our [$11 trillion surplus] on some made-up war we could make up. To you I say, 'What part of lockbox don't you understand?' What if there's a hurricane or a tornado? Unlikely I know, because of the anti-hurricane and tornado machine I was instrumental in helping to develop … but what if? What if the scientists are right and one of those giant glaciers hits Boston? That's why we have the lockbox."
And that's why Gore could have had a lock on a career as a comedian, too.