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A Candle Unto Allen

December 2, 2010 By:
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Martin Landau (left) and Woody Allen contemplate "Crimes and Misdemeanors," part of the Epix Chanukah package.

On the first day of Chanukah, my true love gave to me ...

"Interiors" and "September"?

Was this some sort of Woody Allen joke?

Quite the opposite: Airings of his two more serious films.

Epix Network (not my true love but "TV Turn-Ons" does get excited about innovative offerings) is in on the joke -- and serious about scheduling a Festival of Lights Woody Allen-style.

The premium network puts a premium on creativity and, to that end, has created the ultimate antithetical holiday package of hits: "8 Nights of Woody." (Some of his former flames would say that's more than enough.)

After all, who could be more opposite the Jewish juggernaut Judah Maccabee than the wimpy Woodsman?

Menorahs and movies: Jewish neuroses in a nicely-tied gilded guilt-package? From Dec. 1 -- oy, it started already -- to Dec. 8, the network is scheduling a a panorama of panic: 16 Allen classics (a good deal -- two each night; what a discount!), doubling up such ventures as "Manhattan" and "Bananas" (some would say the titles are equivalent).

It's all perfect viewing by the candle lights; forget the gold coins, here's the lucre of lunacy -- and some lurid moments as well.

As the network calls the festival, "It's eight nights of stars, eight nights of drama.

"And eight nights of sophomoric sex jokes."

Just keep the kids away from the fire. 

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