A Bar Mitzvah boy playing "Hatikvah" on a kazoo while eating hummus from a jar? A wedding singer offering "It's Hard Out There for a Pimp"in Yiddish?
A mime enacting a Jewish husband trying to get a word in during an argument?
Well, it could happen.
And it all could happen – conceivably – on "America's Got Talent," the new Simon Cowell conspiracy to prove that there is no such thing as idle time in the country that can produce singers, actors, acrobats at the drop of a hat. Drop of a hat? How about a haberdasher doing a 50-yard-dash?
The new NBC series gets under way June 21 – for those "TV Turn-Ons" readers whose clairvoyant talent allows them to see this story a day before it's published – and runs Wednesday nights until the audience-voted winner is declared next month.
Hosted by Regis Philbin – whose talent as talk-show chatter-upper, game-show host, and all-around personality and bank spokesman has earned him the title of TV titan with the most air time – "America's Got Talent" has got a tall order to fill.
After all, how many butchers are there out there who can kasher chicken while balancing the feathers on their nose?
But that's the whole point, says Cowell, whose talent as record producer and acerbic host fits his new exec producer role to a T … shirt. "If I didn't think I could find a star, I would not make a show," he says. "Variety is the key here; you have no idea who is coming up next."
Indeed, while a William Hung could be hanging out in the audition room, so could another Clay Aiken type be achin' to appear, too – but with different talents than the two phenoms who made the show's lowlights and highlights reel real.
Simon says of the auditions – and when the super successful Simon says anything these days, the industry follows orders – "I saw a juggler, an acrobat, a 14-year-old singer followed by a 6-year-old stripper."
That must have been the butcher taking off the feathers.
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If "America's Got Talent," it also surely had a love affair with Adam Mesh, not your everyday "Average Joe."
Mesh, who meshed goofy looks with a vulnerable charm and Jewish Joe – make that Yussele – appeal to win the first "Average Joe" reality contest on NBC, as well as a sequel ("Adam Unchained" … nah, "Adam Returns"), has gotten the ultimate game-show prize.
He got married.
And while his wife, Jessica Malca, wasn't the one who swept him off his feet before a nationwide TV audience, she certainly won the sweepstakes, making reality a real winner for Adam in a sweetheart deal.
Although he didn't meet her on the "must-see TV" series, Adam found his Eve many nights later lobbying for her love in … the lobby? The two met in Metland; both are New Yorkers living in the same building.
Adam, his Eve, the Big Apple … but, no, the ceremony didn't take place at Madison Square Garden of Eden.