Say that with a Chandler accent and you'll get the drift of how Matthew Perry's new role, this one as Jewish producer Matt Albie on NBC's "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip," outstrips just about any other current TV character proclaiming his Jewishness.
Gentile, not Jewish himself, Perry parades his talent channeling a "ch" familiarity that borders on the … chutzpadik. He even pronounced Chanukah on its holiday broadcast without spitting co-star Bradley Whitford in the face.
It's all really no surprise given that Aaron Sorkin is the brains behind the banter of the show, much as he was behind "The West Wing," where he used Yiddishkeit and Jewish references so much it took on the aura of "The Mideast Wing."
Wonder how you say "Bing" with a Jewish accent.
And, yes, Virginia, there is a Jewish conjurer.
During a broadcast of the "Today" show, Australia's version of the Matt Lauer/Meredith Veira/Al Roker Rockefeller Plaza playground, only with lovely accents, guest Daniel Radcliffe, the 17-year-old "sorcerer" of the Harry Potter epics, abracadabred a shocking confession in an interview: Asked, "You spend so much time as Harry Potter wrestling with the dark side. Are you a religious person?" he responded: "No, I'm not at all. I've grown up … my mum was of Jewish blood and my dad was a Protestant, so I grew up in a very … I am very interested in religion as something to study, but I am not a religious person in the slightest."
A sleightest-of-hand answer, but let's see if he can make Lag B'Omer disappear from his roots, wanted or not.
Did Joy Behar of "The View" really call Donald Rumsfeld a "Hitler-type" in discussing Time mag's field of possibilities for "Person/Thing of the Year"? (Sorry, they already chose "TV Turns-Ons"; it says so, right there on the cover of my copy.)
Gee, didn't know that Rosie O'Donnell was a ventriloquist and could throw her voice across the room.
Next step for Jerry Springer — after he dances at his daughter's wedding? How about beaming from the bimah?
The TV talk-show host of syndicated slug-a-thons who, despite a great showing, didn't have them singing "Save the Last Dance for Me" on "Dancing With the Stars," will star as a rabbi in February's slated release of the film "God Only Knows."
God only knows that this movie rabbi better have all the chairs on the bimah nailed down.
So "Mrs. C" fasts for Yom Kippur, after all.
Marion Ross, everyone's favorite thumbs-up Mom from "Happy Days," takes on the role of a Jewish mama/bubba on "Brothers & Sisters," beginning next month.
So she's the Jewish connection to the Walker family? A-y-y-y!
Well, makes sense. After "Happy Days," she found golden days portraying the quintessential Jewish mother on "Brooklyn Bridge," the late lamented CBS series for which "TV Turns-Ons" still sits shivah.
And when she played that role, there wasn't anyone in the world — or anyone outside Williamsburg — who didn't think she was Jewish.
Including maybe the gentile, genteel Marion Ross. You know, she told me, she got into the part so deeply she even started fasting on Yom Kippur.
Hope she knew when to stop.
'Twas the week before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Except maybe Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz.
In an extraordinary — and eerie — explanation, Schwartz took to the air — chilly and somewhat brisk; the air, not Schwartz — last Tuesday night and gave not a forecast but a castigation, advising viewers that despite what they may have read in a published report, he has nothing against Christmas or wishing anyone a happy holiday.
It was all in reference to a leaked local column item that Schwartz had refused to do a voiceover Christmas narration leading up to his NBC10 forecast because he was Jewish.
He must have felt the barometric pressure rising: No way, he said that night, wishing everyone every happy holiday imaginable, refuting the report like so much spilled sour cream over a latke.
Okay, "Hurricane," but viewers will probably be waiting to see what you do if there's a Tropical Storm Christian on the horizon next season.