‘Crash’ Dummies?

"Is this the little girl I carried" … wait, Poppa, they said drop her off at the bimah, not drop her at the bimah!

Chupah chutzpah?

It's "The Real Wedding Crashers," in which the march down the aisle may be by John Philip Sousa himself as brides and goons discover that love means never having to say you're sorry — unless it's to the wedding party for making everything such a joke.

Punk'd for the honeymoon set?

"There are certainly elements of it," admits exec producer Ashton Kutcher of planning the NBC program of big daze, in which only the bride and groom are in on the wedded blitz of toppled wedding cakes, torn gowns, mispronounced vowels and and vows of revenge.

Not exactly chopped liver, he and co-executive prankster Jason Goldberg have found fool's gold in hidden-camera goofs such as "Punk'd," and now have taken something old, something new and something blown out of the water in a Monday-night series in which nothing is sacred — except maybe for the sacred vows themselves.

"Crash" dummies? No — smart-asses with brains behind the brashness. The difference between this and "Punk'd," explains Kutcher, is that that TV phenom, in which stars are fooled into acting like fools, uses only one prank, where "here, we pull several."

Go ahead, pull his finger — that's about the only prank you won't see on "Wedding Crashers." Then again, the six-part series just started.

Stomp-resistant unbreakable glass to break up the crowd? Fifteen-foot tallit to trip up the rabbi? No — because he's probably in on the scam, too.

"Our improvs are ordained," says Kutcher of the clerics who are actually actors providing the day's holy hell.

As equal-opportunity offenders — ecumenical ceremonies here are catholic in nature — Kutcher and his producing partner — also responsible for the popular "Beauty and the Geek" — have hit on a beaut of an idea, finding inspiration in the hit film "The Wedding Crashers," and taken it not a step but a stumble forward.

"Crash" cards are available for emergency pranks. The idea here is not to get the girl, but to get into the ceremony itself as actors act up amid the real crowd and garner attention among the thrown-garter set.

Uncle Irv with the mismatched socks and white shoes at your table may be an actor. Then again, he may really be Uncle Irv.

What's real, notes Kutcher, is the heart each show has; anyone who's ever been a wedding guest doesn't have to guess at how true the spirit behind the ceremony is.

"We consider everyone's feelings, and we don't turn the wedding into a shambles," adds Kutcher. "We're enhancing the experience for the people. We're making it a day they'll never forget."

That's for sure — especially if the rabbi forgets his lines? Have a negillah, everyone, but watch out for that dancer with the flashing blue-and-white Star of David flopping around his neck.

Not that you'll see that. What you will see is the irreverence — not irreligious — antics of two guys who have found a way to make a solemn day soulfully silly.

"Ever been to weddings where you want to fall asleep?" asks Kutcher. Not this one.

Honeymoon in Vegas? They're already there; that's the site of the first six episodes.

But if this sextet in the city seems a bit too much, well, what starts-up in Vegas stays in Vegas.

"The crashers are so good," reveals Goldberg, "that [the guests' reaction] is no different at the reveal than before."

What's even more revealing is that some things are considered sacred — like the religious aspects of each ceremony. Don't expect those holding up the ends of the chupah to get into a tug of war.

They're not about to tear down the meaning of the wedding, just make it a bit whackier, kibitzes Kutcher. "We're sensitive" to the religious aspects, he says. "We've made certain that the bride and groom are comfortable with what we're doing, and we steer clear" of disrespecting the religious ceremony itself.

After all, adds Kutcher, "that's their connection, a really important thing — that's where the heart of the show is."

Not that the star of "That 70's Show" is all hearts and flowers when it comes to making fun. "I've never seen religion as a serious thing; spirituality is a joyous thing we have fun with even as we have respect for the religious" aspect.

And he takes his pranks religiously, although Kutcher is hard-pressed to be punk'd himself. Can he take a joke?

"If you dish it out, you have to take it," he says, although nobody tried to take it out on him and Demi Moore at their wedding.

Then again, he quips, "there were only a couple of people on Planet Earth who knew about my wedding."

As for those tears at the end of the wedding on Monday nights, they may be tears of joy — really. At least they are for the father of the bride.

Why's that?

"We pay for the whole wedding," reveals Kutcher of the ultimate stage presents.


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