In a presentation last week to the Society for Phenomenology and Existential Philosophy, Irene McMullin discussed patience as a "neglected virtue" little examined by philosophy or society at large.
"I call patience a neglected virtue because we don't value it as much as courage or generosity because it involves a withholding of self," said McMullin.
The self-restraint specific to patience is specifically oriented to the other person's "agency" or ability to act.
McMullin uses an example of letting her young nephew take his time tying his shoelaces.
She holds herself back from doing the task for him. Her restraint is characterized by "a hovering attentiveness, a silent co-willing, an expressive encouragement and recognition of his struggle."
While she wants the laces to be tied, her attitude is directed not to the goal of tied laces, but primarily toward her nephew's achievement of that goal. This type of attitude involves both a willingness to share one's time with the other person and an acknowledgment of the limits of human agency.
"In patience, I share an orientation to the other's future that is attentive to the struggle involved in its accomplishment," said McMullin.
She contrasted patience with impatience, which can include an element of contempt for another person's abilities, or a refusal to acknowledge the awkwardness and difficulties of so many activities.
McMullin called impatience "a type of rage in the face of human finitude."
The impatient person — the one who taps a foot while someone else negotiates the ATM instructions — communicates a sense of being offended, even wronged, by the failures of others and the necessity of sharing time with them.
McMullin observed that in patience, a person subordinates his or her own wishes and goals to another's future, sometimes a future they will never even be able to share.
An individual practicing tolerance simply waits for the completion of an activity involved — for the other person to walk away from the ATM, for instance.
"Though we may not be able to characterize patience as a 'heroic' virtue, the ability to accommodate and forgive the limits of human agency in its struggle for self-expression is the bedrock of our public life," said McMullin.
McMullin distinguished patience from tolerance.
As she explained: "When I tolerate someone, I do not share the drama and meaning of his struggle. Though tolerance is an important and necessary part of shared public life, patience involves a deeper form of recognition and accommodation of the other's presence as an individual struggling to act in the world."