A few months ago, I voluntarily took myself out of the running for president. Sure, I was not a viable candidate, and being single did not help either. I admit that.
And the call to join up as a vice presidential running mate never came, even though my "Batphone" is almost always on.
But, at the risk of being labeled a "flip-flopper" by political opponents, I think it's time to get into politics for real. I'm not just talking about voting in a few days, either. Not only am I interested in public policy, but it seems like, nowadays, politics is a great way to meet women.
Political guru and former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger once said
power is the greatest aphrodisiac. Politics equals power. And, if the political scandals of the past year or so tell us anything … well, you get my drift.
Certainly, some of the scandals fall outside my area of interest, such as Idaho Sen. Larry Craig's "incident" in the Minneapolis airport men's room. Likewise, former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer's $80,000 romps with beautiful young women are not things I'd participate in.
The 'Great Jewish Hope'
Spitzer, once considered the "great Jewish hope" as a potential presidential candidate, has made the requisite admission that his encounters with high-end prostitutes, some nearly his daughters' ages, were a result of a "sex addiction."
But then came Spitzer's successor, David Patterson, who on his first day as governor, publicly admitted to a wide array of extramarital affairs. Up in Detroit, the mayor has been knocked out of office by his own sex scandal that led being prosecuted for lying about his extramarital chicanery. Former presidential hopeful John Edwards had his own extracurricular activities on the campaign trail, while his wife was home recovering from cancer.
Then, not to be outdone by other scandalous behavior, New Jersey's former governor, who already broke the mold for political sex scandals, confirmed that he and his wife had three-way sex with his driver — on multiple occasions! Sounds like Drumthwacket, the New Jersey governor's mansion, was only a disco ball away from being the Jersey version of Studio 54.
There were even questions raised about Sen. John McCain's relationship with an attractive Washington female lobbyist.
The recent spate of political sex scandals is nothing new and hardly surprising. Yes, it's disappointing that some of our public servants use the weight of their office not to implement laws, but as a way to meet chicks. We're still reeling from the Clinton era, which was similarly disheartening. At least people loved Bill — and maybe he loved them back just a little too much.
And these are just the scandals we know about.
When these lapses all come out in the wash, some people snicker, while others are outraged by these lapses in morality. But where is the outrage with real public-policy scandals, such as an out-of-control war based on specious intelligence, unemployment, soaring energy prices fueled by the government's acquiescence on corporate mergers and no-bid military contracts that enrich the president's cronies?
Then the banks need bailing out. Where is the outrage that the two guys running for president will likely spend close to $1 billion?
Saying Anything to Women
In this out-of-control political season, the candidates also seem to take on a bit of the "guy-on- the-prowl" mentality. There's a perception that guys will say whatever it takes to get a woman. But I've never told anyone I dodged sniper fire to try to get her to choose me. Nor have I made a ton of false promises about a new era of hope, change or "maverickism" based on platitudes and an untested record. Nor have I pretended to tell it like it is, while voting to keep things as they are — or worse.
Who would have thought that politicians would have so much action? With all the scandals going on in political bedrooms, hotel rooms and airport bathrooms, it's no wonder very little is getting done when it comes to actual politics.
But since all my other efforts at meeting women seem to be failing these days, maybe the answer is to run for office. So, ladies, maybe I'll see you on the campaign trail soon.
Roy S. Gutterman is a Syracuse, N.Y.-based writer. To contact him visit: www.Lrev.com.